The seemly available ‘taken” man…

in Life & Thoughts
In the last few months of my new single life and going out and meeting people I have had quite a few disconcerting if not shocking encounters from some of our “taken” male counterparts.

Let me start off by defining what I mean by “taken”, a taken man in my opinion is someone who is in a committed relationship, engaged or married. Basically a man that is not available for any kind of romantic or sexual encounter outside of his relationship.

The type of man that I am describing and that I have come to know recently is one that portrays all the qualities and behaviors of a single available man.

Some of the things you might find this kind of man doing is the following:

  •  they approach you
  •  they buy you drinks
  •  they ask you to dance
  •  they ask for your number
  •  they flirt with you
  •  they get very touchy
  •  in some cases they might even kiss you or try for more…

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that a taken man can’t socialise with members of the opposite sex or even engage in some harmless flirting – to each his/her own, my general rule is if you would act this way in front of your partner then you have nothing to hide or be concerned about.

I am specifically talking about the taken man who pretends to be available either by flat-out lying or by omission of their taken status. In some cases and I don’t know if this is actually better or worse, they will wear their wedding ring and still behave like a bachelor with no shame what so ever.

The problem that I have with the deceitful taken man is that by acting in this fashion they make me (and potentially any single girl) a participant in their betrayal and more often than not without our knowledge.

I am just angry about this behavior! If you are married wear you freaking’ wedding ring! It’s a symbol or your love and commitment to your significant other, I don’t care if you are not a jewelry kind of guy or that it’s uncomfortable etc etc, AND if you are in a serious relationship, respect the boundaries of that bond and don’t pursue or allow yourself to be pursued. More importantly if you want to be single and flirt and hookup then grow a pair of balls and break up with you partner and THEN go crazy!

I have spoken to my single friends about this and most of them have been in similar situations where they have been deceived into behavior with taken men which they now feel guilty or shameful about when in fact I believe the accountability lies solely on the person in the relationship – their behavior is their responsibility.

I also realize that this scenario can play out the other way too where “taken” women deceive men and in this case I think it’s just as unacceptable.

Of course if you are two consenting adults completely informed of the others person’s “taken” status and still want to pursue something then that is your prerogative.

Sorry about the rant, but interested to know if I am the only one who feels this way and why this seems to be happening more regularly than what it was when I was single 3 years ago – what did I miss, why have things changed?